A budget partnership

Most relationships have it- one person who’s a budgeter or saver and the other who just isn’t. And while that balances a lot of couples, it can also be very frustrating for the budgeter to try to get the other partner on board. And let’s face it, if you aren’t on the same page and working towards the same money goals, then everything is twice as hard. While you’re running uphill attached to a rope, the other end is your partner driving away in the other direction and pulling you backwards. It just feels like you can’t win. Here’s how to plan a monthly budget meeting that will help you feel better about your budget and work to get your partner on board so you can both achieve your financial goals.

Create a monthly budget meeting:
You need to schedule 20 minutes a month to talk about the budget and your money goals. This sounds like a tough tip to start out with, but it’s really important and after your first few months, the meetings should get even shorter and less difficult. For your first meeting I recommend you each have your beverage of choice to make it feel like there is less pressure.

The purpose of these meetings are for you both to be open about how you feel about your current money situation. They are not to accuse the other person or to place blame. Talk about areas that you feel you’ve done well on and some areas you think you can improve on. Then talk about your current big picture budget goal. As the budgeter in the relationship, you will probably have to lead the conversation, but make sure that your partner has the opportunity to voice his/her opinions and that you really listen to them to see if there are other areas of opportunity for improvement or things you can adjust to make you both happier.

Sample conversation:
Thanks for taking a few minutes to talk about our money and budget. I promise this won’t take too long, but it’s really important to me that we get together just briefly every month and make sure we’re on the same page and working towards our big picture budget goal. I feel like we’ve done really well not making impulse purchases and buying things we don’t need. One area that I think maybe we could spend less money on is going out to bars. In the last month, we spent $300 on drinks and appetizers.

At this point in the conversation your partner is probably going to get really defensive and accuse you of trying to cut the one thing they really enjoy. They might make the argument that going to bars is the only time they see their friends and that you should know how important it is to them. Let them say what they want to say and really listen. Make them know that you heard their opinion and you value it, but explain why you suggested that could be an area in the budget to cut. Was it because you thought you could start having friends over your house more to save some money? Explain that it was just an idea and, if you were suggesting cutting the budget amount to $200 instead of $300, explain that too so they understand that you aren’t saying they can never go to the bar again. Then explain that you’d like to find one area of the budget to save $100 from and ask what area they think it should come from.

First month budget meeting template:
Thanks for taking a few minutes to talk about money and our budget. I promise we’ll make this quick.
1. Here’s one area of our budget that I think we’ve done really well in during the last month.
2. Here’s my big picture budget goal. Is that a goal you have too?
3. To reach our big picture budget goal, one thing I think we could do a little better with is ____. Do you think that’s something you’d be willing to try for the next month or do you have other ideas? Then next month we can talk about it again and see how it is going.

It’s really important for you and your partner to agree because if you both aren’t on board with trying the suggestion then it just won’t work. If you are trying to save $100 per month from your current budget and you and your partner just can’t agree on where to take it from then each agree to try to cut $50 from the area each partner suggested. Compromise is key. Make sure to support each other throughout the month so you help each other be successful.

Monthly budget meeting template (for all meetings except the first- see above for the first meeting template)
1. How did we do last month with the budget area we tried to adjust? (Remember, if it didn’t go as well as you hoped, it’s ok. Talk about why and what you can do going forward to do even better.)
2. Here’s one area of our budget that I think we’ve done really well in during the last month.
3. Last month we decided our big picture budget goal was ___. Do you still agree?
4. To reach our big picture budget goal, one thing I think we could do a little better with is ____. Do you think that’s something you’d be willing to try for the next month or do you have other ideas? Then next month we can talk about it again and see how it’s going.

There’s no doubt about it, this conversation is hard and it can be really intimidating to have for the first time, but it’ also really important and having such an open and honest conversation can really strengthen your relationship. Making sure you are your partner have a shared goal and are working towards it together can be so powerful even if the goal starts out small. Have that first conversation, be brave, and know that it gets easier with time and practice.

Have you used this format for a budget meeting? Did it work for you? Do you and your partner have any specific challenges you’d like to share in a comment below to get specific recommendations?