I’m engaged!!! Now what?

You’re engaged, congratulations! Now what? Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. I’m sure you’ve already started getting questions about when the date will be. I know that I was asked that question the second I announced I was engaged. Try to keep calm through the questions and don’t panic if you haven’t set a date yet. Enjoy your moment. The rest will come. There are tons of ways to save money on a wedding, but today let’s focus on some basics on how to get your dream wedding.

The number one piece of advice I have for you is actually more about overall happiness and less directly budget related, but it is just so important that I have to share it. Your wedding needs to be about you and your partner and it needs to reflect who you are as a couple. Sit down together, just you two and talk about what you picture your wedding looking and feeling like. You don’t have to know all the details, but get an idea of the parts of the wedding that are most important to you both. I encourage you to do this as soon as possible because you want to make sure that you know what you both are expecting before other people’s opinions cloud your judgement and confuse you.

Now to the money part. Talk to any parents or relatives who you think may be planning to make a financial contribution to your wedding fund. Ask what they are picturing their involvement in the wedding process to look like and if they are planning to make a financial contribution. It’s impossible to start booking things for your wedding if you have no idea how much money is in the budget. This conversation is also important because people can share if there is a certain tradition they’d like to you to continue (hear them out and then decide with your partner if you want to make that part of your special day). It also gives you an idea if anyone is planning to throw you a wedding shower and makes sure that you aren’t suddenly surprised by having multiple wedding showers. I was very lucky in that I had two wedding showers that were hosted for me and they incorporated different guest lists. For me, it was absolutely perfect and I loved having the two very special events to celebrate me and my now husband. But you definitely want to know and not have a happy surprise like this take you off guard. Especially if you and/or your partner have divorced parents or less traditional families, it’s very important to have clear expectations on each person’s role so there are no hard feelings (or at least fewer hard feelings).

If there is anyone who plans to make a financial contribution to your wedding fund, thank them, but also make sure that you know if there are any conditions of their gift. For example, I have a friend whose parents were going to pay for her wedding, but only if the ceremony was in a Catholic Church. If there are any conditions, make sure you and your partner regroup before accepting the money. This is where it ties back to the vision you and your partner discussed. If the condition of accepting the gift is completely opposed to your vision for the wedding, it may be best to politely decline the money. If it’s perfectly in line, great!

Once you know how much money, if any, you will be given from family then you need to decide if you and your partner plan to add any of your own money and if so, how much would you realistically be able to contribute. I recommend you build a buffer in your budget because there are always unexpected costs and small things that add up to large expenses (tips for your vendors, etc.) and you don’t want to be caught by surprise. To determine how much you are realistically able to contribute, take the amount you and your partner have in savings that you are comfortable putting towards the wedding and also think about how much per month you will be able to save between now and the wedding. Now that you know your total budget, you can break it down further into categories and really start the planning phase.

The location or venue (church or otherwise) will likely be your biggest expense and probably will be your first wedding deposit. Typically, your venue will also determine your wedding date, but you should have a month or at least a season in mind. The one time you should be truly set on a specific date is if it has special meaning to you. For example, if you want to get married on your parents’ wedding anniversary, then it makes sense to be firm about the date, but if you’re trying to get a Fall evening, it may be better to not limit yourself to a certain date in October. Also be sure to consider holidays. Using a holiday may mean you have a long weekend, but it also will increase costs for those traveling from out of town and will increase the chances that some people will already have other plans.

I’ve been to weddings with budgets big and small. They are very different, but I truly can’t say that one is better than the other. What’s important isn’t how much you spend, it’s how much the wedding reflects your style as a couple. To some of you, I’m sure that sounds like complete crap, but it’s true. A $5k simple wedding would have been completely wrong for my friend who prefers a more formal style, and a $60k wedding would have been completely wrong for my friend who prefers a more minimalist approach. The biggest regret I hear from couples after their wedding and even years down the line is that they wish they had done it the way they wanted to instead of how someone else wanted it. It could be the church ceremony when they had always dreamed of a ceremony outdoors, the pink bridesmaid dresses when you had your heart set on silver or even the first dance song that you changed based on someone else’s opinion. You need to stay true to yourself. If your wedding represents who you are as a couple and as you make decisions you keep going back to the big picture vision you and your partner had, your wedding will be incredible no matter the budget.